Category Archives: Intimacy

Won’t Dance

I went to a prime dancing event this weekend. The band played for 4 hours and delivered a vast array of polkas, waltzes, big Band-era tunes. Also, the folks attending wouldn’t care a wit if you couldn’t do the chicken dance.

Moonflowers was terribly disappointed by her male companion’s refusal to dance. He has always been up for dancing before. I believe he downed 6 large pints of fine Munich beer. But no, he won’t dance. Hates. Polka.

When I related how I was disappointed with my first husband’s behavior in the same vein. He told me that it was “passive-aggressive” behavior. Funny that he missed my point.

read this later

Power and Intimacy – achieving a balance

Stock still, breathing lightly I face the shadows and reflections mirrored in the smooth wood. I choose a path, and body and mind combine changing stasis to action as I hurl the marble ball gracefully to the floor. A waiting perid is shortly followed by chaos and cacophony. Likewise the perfect balance of opposite elements offers a basis for a rewarding life.

The two great organizing principles in human life are Power and Intimacy. They are opposites: destructive vs. creative, agency vs. communion, “death aggressiveness” vs. erotic “life instincts.” Your life-story can focus on power, be highly intimate, or contain a balance of both.

The Powerful Ones are motivatied by the obvious rewards- success and money. They like to hang in clubs, throw lavish parties in their penthouses and applaud each others’ accomplishments. Their major fear is embarrassment and thus powermongers manipulate each other and avoid conflict at all costs. The advantages are obvious as well. they don’t have to beg for their space, are free to structure their lives independently and manage to have exciting affairs. The can always find a long-legged babe or handsome partner in crime to enjoy the glamorous life.

The Intimate Ones are concerned with just being. Ultimately they seek one-on-one encounters. Betrayal of trust is their biggest fear in relationships, but when it occurs they accept that they themselves are part of the problem. The Tibetans have a principle that emotions should be given free rein, “Ride out the wild horse.” the ride will take you out of the known realm and yet the horse will eventually tire and stop running. It’s fighting our feelings that wastes so much energy.

All this talk about riding is urging me to make a point. Sex is not intimacy. Touching, kissing, caressing, cuddling, undressing, sucking, humping, rocking and rolling; savoring each stage involved in intercourse for a reason. you transcend the bounds of your physical body and become one with another.
The electrostatic energy generated during lovemaking causes a magnetism between the lovers. You have created joy. Surrender to another is simultaneously an escape and a connection to the outside world. A sense of breaking the limitations of time and space gives it a cosmic sense of harmony, It is easy to see the positive effects a mate has on your whole existence. Trusting someone, sharing an ongoing daily dialog is important to your emotional and psychological growth.

Individuals who are motivated by BOTH power and intimacy want it all; they are generally miserable as youngsters, they refuse to conform to archetypical models, exhibit dual sexuality, struggle with immature emotional stages. These are the late bloomers, productive contributions are finally reached at 30-40 years of age. These best and brightest achieve a better life adjustment (as rated by income, happy marriages, promotions, vacations, job satisfaction, no shrinks, no drug or alcohol abuse and minimal sick leave). Their mortality rate is 50% lower. They attain a higher income and social standing, but also possess political outlook, intellectual tastes and superior lifestyle. They become counselors, teachers and peacemakers. Good luck to those of you struggling for the balance.